Monday, March 18, 2013

How to Build a Fransk Hot Dog.

There are things one never considers when moving to a different continent, both consequential and trivial. Life can be quite funny (and fun), but hot dogs are no laughing matter. And the following will change your life forever.

If you're like me, you'll ask "what IS that?" when looking at the IKEA Bistro menu.
IKEA Bistro Menu (compared to one in the United States)

That my friends, is a Fransk (French) hot dog with mayonnaise. I asked my friend, the authority on all things French, if the French actually eat hot dogs. Her answer was inconclusive. This could be like the Danish Pastry Debacle, where a Danish Danish is actually called "Vienna brød." I wonder what it's called in Vienna. The fact of the matter is, it matters not. Fransk hot dogs are delicious, despite their questionable appearance.

 Here's how to build one:

1. Order your hot dog. Don't try to speak Danish, or you'll end up with two number fives and wonder why a Twix bar was tossed at you and cups and cones stacked in front of you.
I match my shoes with my favorite condiment.
You have successfully ordered your first Fransk hot dog. Good. Remember, you are at a hot dog stand that isn't in the United States (or possibly France). This is important for the next step.

2. Approach the condiment counter stocked with copious amounts of ketchup, brown (this is important later) mustard, and mayonnaise. That is it. Danes don't like variety and therefore will not eat foods that encourage such.. or maybe we should blame the French.

3. Ketchup. In the bun.

Different angle for the action shot.

4. Now for some BROWN mustard.
It's either brown mustard or no mustard.
Perfect. Or so I thought.

Now here's the most important step. 

5. Hot dog. In bun. Don't worry, the ketchup and mustard aren't going anywhere. Yet.


There you have it, a perfectly-built Fransk hot dog.

The people behind me meant business and got the bistro menu. No joking around here.
7. Go find a place to sit. Don't fret if you can't because it's a Saturday at IKEA and you're just like everyone else (this is Denmark, after all). Fransk hot dogs are portable, mobile, meant to be eaten on the go, and in this day and age, they make the perfect snack. Just make sure you got napkins.

There are two flaws in the Fransk hot dog:

1. They don't allow for many toppings. No dill pickle, sport peppers, onions, tomato or relish. You're options are three in number, and one of them is (very unfortunately) mayonnaise. Accept it. 

2. Everything is just dandy, until you get to the bottom. If you were wondering why the ketcup and mustard never surfaced in step 5, you'll find out now. Your hands are covered in ketchup and mustard. The hot dog pushed it all to the bottom, and you really thought you needed all that ketchup and mustard. Shoulda gotten napkins. 

More hot dog tales...

My greatest disappointment while in Denmark came with the discovery that plain, yellow mustard is unattainable. There is yellower than brown mustard, but it has sugar in it. There is a time and place for sugar, and mustard (both a time and a place) is not it. I had nearly given up all hope with every mustard quest leaving me defeated until yesterday. My friend and I walked into 7-Eleven, and as we were paying I noticed a bottle of French's Classic Yellow Mustard on the counter. My excitement was probably (certainly) like none the employee had ever seen over yellow mustard. Amused by my excitement, he told me they were starting this new American hot dog menu. After I explained that I couldn't find it anywhere, h rang up the mustard and told me it could be mine for the worth-every-penny price of 40kr (almost $7.00). I'm going back to buy some.
7-Eleven's magical new American-style hot dog menu.
Kind of hard to read, but I didn't want to remove the fruit basket (strategically placed?) in front of the menu to get a good picture. San Diego Style?? America! New York, Chicago.....San Diego?

In the meantime, I will enjoy my less-mobile, more-messy-all-the-time, American hot dog topped with YELLOW MUSTARD.
New York Style hot dog.
Oh thank heaven.


  1. the pointy ends of the hot dogs freak me out a little..... i want a san diego style hot dog - or maybe a charlotte hot dog

    also, in regards to your last post, i will take the puns as intended, thankyouverymuch

    1. I bet a Boise dog is delicious. maybe some taters on it. wait...tater tot dog. When I get back stateside, I'm going to sonic and making my own Boise dog. Then later I will probably wish I hadn't.

      you can take them, but know they were never intended.

  2. This post should have a parental rating of PG-13. This is just unbelievable! Also, I am disappointed that step 6 was not documented by a photo.

    1. this is Europe, except my main audience is the US...anything goes. I should have documented my napkin bib too. shoot.

  3. I lived in Denmark and LOVED the Fransk hotdog. I always had them add the white creamy fransk sauce into the hotdog for me. I now live in San Diego. I can say with some authority there is no such thing as a San Diego style. It says it comes with hot chili and Jalapeno? You could literally insert any city on the southwest border and add hotdog to it, and that would work the same. El Paso hotdog, Tucson Hotdog, Calexico Hotdog, Brownsville Hotdog? I guess San Diego is the classiest sounding. However, in some places you can get a Tijuana hotdog, Tijuana being right across the border from San Diego, and this is a bacon wrapped hotdog, usually with jalapenos and onions.